1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
