Plan B is the new Plan A
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
