just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Randomize
