I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
