the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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