just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
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I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
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She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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