Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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