In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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