Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Semen is not good for contacts.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize