white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I don't think brook has ever known best
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
