I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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