Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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