normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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