cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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