the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
