you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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