I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I party with great urgency now.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
