Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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