So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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