i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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