Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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