Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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