Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
