Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He? As in you personified your dick?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
