i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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