paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
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