i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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