I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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