I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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