Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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