Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
