my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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