Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
