SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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