i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
last night I used snow as a chaser
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
