you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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