Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
