yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
