so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize