Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
