We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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