found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
