speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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