ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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