4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
