Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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