I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
