Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
3 2 1 whiskey
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
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