i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
