Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
