YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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