We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
