OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
