I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
