Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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