I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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