i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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