I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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