My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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