Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
