Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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