this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
