My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
