The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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