there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
