how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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