This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
